Strut Your Stuff! You are a Genius and Won't Show It (cont.)

Hiding your genius or the fear of being different………..

Why do we NOT show our genius, abilities, talents, passions………?

Many times we are judging ourselves. We are our hardest critique. We say things like we are not good enough, no one is interested in our stuff, we can’t compare to _____, and so forth and so on. That is not the response we get from others as we strut are stuff. There is a sense of respect, at times a sense of awe (like our internal critique everyone else is amazing), a response of excitement and pride (for those close to you), a sense of acknowledgement, and so forth.

Yet there are other gremlins that may arise – jealousy, fear, rejection. Wanting to belong, be accepted is a strong human driving factor. Strutting your stuff – shows you are different (as everyone is – but that does not matter at this moment) – you are standing out – being outstanding. This will attract and dispel people to you. “Owie – is that not a blank wall I can blend into?” “Hey, I am something, really something!” As we are scared we develop ways to minimize that fear – create different masks to wear, different roles to play – to be safe and not hurt (or as much). We can avoid the strutting; we can strut with an outlandish attitude (as not to be approachable); we can strut with honesty and confidence (an ongoing growth process); or…….

So what masks have you designed? When do you wear them? What purpose do they serve? What is your desired face in each of those situations? You can begin to answer these questions for yourself in different ways – here are two – try them and see what you uncover.

Take a stack of the cheap paper plates. On the top side (where you place food) name the mask (or describe the situation you use that mask). Label 3-5 (more if you want to – no limit). Now turn the masks over and draw, color (paint, magic marker) the mask you wear by that name or in that situation (this is not an art demonstration – so just do it!) Arrange all the masks in front of you – color side up. Do you recognize the masks? What are you feeling? Are they serving their purpose? (Just ask the questions – you do not have to have the answers.) Now take one more paper plate. Write on it in big letters – ME. Now turn it over and draw/color the mask – the face. When complete place it in the center of all the masks. What is your response? Strut Your Stuff!!

Take a piece of paper for each mask you wear (3-5 minimally, no upper limit). Label the mask – name the mask at the top of the page. Divide the page into four columns labeled – Situations (when do you use this mask?) ; Purpose (what does it do for me?) ; Characteristics (how do you describe this mask?) ; Insight (what does this tell me about me?) . Now take one more piece of paper and title it ME. Columns – Situations (how can I see myself strutting me?); Purpose (what does it do for me?); Characteristics (how do I and want to describe me?) ; Insight (what have I got going for me?).

Masks are part of our coping strategies. We need to be aware of them. Masks are used throughout the cultures of the world representing power, the unknown, strength. They are used in rituals and in entertainment. They allow us to take on and experience different characteristics. Recognize and be conscientious of how you use your masks. Use the masks to Strut Your Stuff – not to hide behind!!

Are You Special?

Well are you breathing? That is the first test. You will notice I did not ask – do you know how to breathe – that is a discussion for another time. Since you are breathing, YES, you are special. I know that is a cliché – you are special, you are unique. However, it is true. There are no duplicates of you – not even identical twins. We are made up of our genes, experiences, and environments. That includes who we are, what we think, what we do, how we feel. Then we add our family and friends, teachers, acquaintances, others with whom we interact, meet, and connect with (both in person and cyberspace). Yet another part of the mix is where – where we born, where we live, where we have visited, country, state, city, neighborhood. All of this contributes to who we are and that is a unique, one of kind recipe with special results. Don’t forget timing as a factor.

Looking at the pieces under a microscope (introspection) is fun for some and considered useless by others. You can take this inner journey and explore. It lets you see your world. Who knows what you may discover. Some of the things others see and know and yet there is a mystery – that which only you know. Discovering you can give you answers and/or create more questions. You find your differences and your similarities – to family, friends, culture and being human. Like the magic of a snowflake you are special, unique, an individual.

There are expectations and roles that are part of your life experience. You make choices involving these expectations and roles. Sometimes your dreams and wishes (application of your special-ness) can be ignored, buried, discounted because of the expectations and roles. You can also be using what is very special about you to fulfill the expectations and roles. If you are not using your special-ness the inner journey can open the closed doors again. Then the potential for finding out how to include your dreams and wishes in everyday life can be a reality. Creating, growing, developing anything takes effort. However, your special-ness is who you are and what you can give. Find it, know it, and share it.

The Way I Think is Different.

The way I think is different. No one understands.

My mind wanders – bouncing from one idea to another – one topic to another. I can see how many things can fit together that do not seem related. I can understand multiple perspectives and translate an idea so each person/entity can understand the idea from their perspective. I find some things very interesting and other things very boring. I need to take notes to stay focused, otherwise my mind wanders. I enjoy a challenge, a puzzle, a mystery, an adventure. I am game to try new things. I do not have to have the answers. I enjoy finding a spectrum of answers. I like to figure out things in the world. I like to figure out things in my mind.

I am aware of the different kinds of intelligences and learning styles. These help me to have a better understanding of different aspects of how my mind works. It still does not provide all the answers. Part of the key is each of us has a unique combination of the factors described. So, yes the way I think is unique just as I am. So I can describe that: I am strong in words. I can see things in graphs, maps, sequential. I learn by hearing, seeing, writing, and doing. Still the way the different facts, bits of information, experiences connect are unique to me.

I tried to explain how I was thinking. It did not compute with teachers or peers. At times it created a problem. Teachers thought I was being disruptive. They had a difficult time keeping me engaged. One solution was for me to start teaching math to the class in sixth grade. In high school I took the advanced classes – the challenge changing schools 3-4 times during high school – each time starting over with the teachers. With peers being accepted and rejected was a major issue. Not fitting in with my classmates – too smart, military dependent, too young, always new to the area. In college peer issues lessened – less issues around age and being “smart”.

At work the way I think is both an asset and a liability. As an asset – my interaction with my colleagues is a problem solver, a mentor, a leader. On the other hand, as a liability – always wanting to learn, new ideas and suggestions, frustration with clients and colleagues “not getting it”, and easily bored.

Part of the journey has been to learn to use this tool – my mind. Learn the different angles, cuts, processes, dynamics it has and how to apply them for the task at hand. Each attempt, each experiment, each trial, each experience brings new information and application. This journey expands my understanding of my uniqueness, my potential, my talents and gifts. Yes I understand better how I am special. Learning my mind has broadened my understanding of other’s minds and how they work. It has developed tools for better understanding and growing potential for me and others. A map has been created with many roads/paths from the various starting points to the destinations of choice.

Come take a journey – an adventure ----- understand your uniqueness in the way you think --- your potential and grow the potential.

Strut Your Stuff! You are a Genius and won't show It!

Our society – and even though I have spent time in other countries – I refer to the American culture- has specific definition of intelligence and genius. Genius is accepted in the math and sciences. Music and art is accepted with significant excelling. This is on a large scale and with prominence. However, what happens to those that think differently, process differently and at a critical time – their K-12 years. The school districts require no child left behind – teach to the average or lower students. Yes, there are gifted programs. Many programs the purpose is to stimulate the young people. Some is to “control”. My experience is that the staff, resources, time is not available to find the different kinds of genius and develop them. Many of the youth think differently. There are times when the youth get labeled as behavior problems, disruptor's of the classroom, inability to follow directions, unable to fit into the classroom, unwilling to do the assignments and then are ignored or separated from the class. The youth can decide to “fit in” and not make waves to the point of not doing their best. However, there are crusaders for those that are recognized as gifted and things do happen for them. Those that miss being recognized blend in or blend out – sometimes all the way out – out of school.

The most perilous experiences are with the peers as this is a time of intense peer pressure – trying to be different, an individual and yet keeping up the trends. The desire to have friends and special friends is a key part of a teenager’s life. And yes there are those that proceed with their academic excellence with home and other support and are doing fine. Or if they are doing well in sports or the social atmosphere of the school they can do very fine. This doing fine may be overall or on the outside only. Each youth learns their own coping skills for survival within the classroom and with peers. Withdrawing the display of their genius can be a common response. Rising to an occasion, getting appointed and then not performing – disappearing.

Proceeding on with college: There are a greater variety of people to interact with. Finding like minds is a greater possibility. The habit patterns developed so far will still be with the young person. So the story of excelling may continue. The story of getting by and not doing their best may stay in place. Fitting in with peers will come and go. Doing the acceptable, expected thing may continue to take top priority. Another form of rebellion may be the calling card. Oh, yes and then on with the world of work – the stories can repeat themselves.

Experience is a great teacher and a moderator also. A style is developed for your expression. You strut your stuff – confidently or tentatively. Or with confidence and then without the results you see that can be beneficial – the ideas are rejected – a couple of paths – fight, be persistent with achievement results or choose after a degree of persistence and fight to withdraw – the energy required is not satisfactory for the return. Oh yeah! You can strut your stuff and stand out – then the experience of rejection, ridicule, denial of value, or it will work for you but no one else surfaces. Does it not become easier to withdraw and do your best in your independent setting and not demonstrate or teach the ideas, knowledge, or know how.

Yet, you are asked questions by others, you are recognized that you have a tool, an idea, a method, a presentation (visual – music – movement) that has beauty, utility, makes a difference. Habits spring up and you withdraw not wanting to risk, not wanting to stand out, not wanting to make waves. And yet you know as well as the feed back you are getting is that your genius is needed, it will make a different. Share your genius with your immediate world – with the world in general. A little drop of water on the ponds surface has major ripple effects. Strut your stuff – show your genius.

Strut Your Stuff: You are a Genius and don't know it: continued

The first thing we think about when we see the word Genius – is oh I am not as intelligent as those people – I could not be a member of Mensa. However, anything that is a talent; a gift; a different way of thinking, seeing things, understanding thing; an activity you are good at or are highly curious about – is (okay less stressful – can be) YOUR Genius.

Always feeling like you cannot explain to others how you can figure things out, draw pictures, make music, dance around, see the world (in a very unique way) – that’s because the resource bank in your brain is wired differently. The potential lies with each and every one of us. Sometimes we experience an ah ha, a curiosity, an event/experience, that tickles us pink (a moment of joy – ready to jump up and down). This is YOUR Genius.

Things you love are; obsessive about; excel in; come easy to you; draw you like a magnet – This is YOUR Genius.

Oh! NO- I don’t have a genius and no way am I a genius - I just doodle. Doodling is a form of art – Scarabochhio (Italian for doodling) – an entire gallery and instruction studio for doodling in Stevens Point, WI. So you see whatever that special something is (that only you know about?) is YOUR Genius.

That playful activity you did so much, as a youngster. Now you look back at it and smile or you buried it because “responsible adults” don’t do that or have time for such frivolousness. That playful activity that made you sing out loud or at least in your head, this is YOUR Genius. (Loving to watch is another clue)

Recognize YOUR Genius. Play with YOUR Genius. Be YOUR Genius. Strut YOUR Genius!!

Disconnect

I started the draft of this post with traveling through what has been my experiences and gaining greater awareness of where the disconnect feeling comes from. Multiple experiences of disconnect – military dependent life of frequent move; being advanced throughout the school years resulting in peer rejection; being the oldest of seven; difficulty with being accepted by peers at work ( my perspective and thus my withdrawal); frustrations in work settings and easily moving on to new options; marriage with an experience of disconnect; developing disconnects from family “responsibilities” thus affecting relationships; to name a few.

So questions that go through my mind are: Why do I feel disconnected? Why do I set up and
maintain disconnection? What do I gain and loose from being disconnected?

The disconnect feeling comes from feeling different, not being understood, not fitting in. Duhhhhh so what’s new? That is a common experience. The feeling different has to do with the way my mind works, how I see things, how I put information together. It is frustrating with others not getting it. I quickly realize and acknowledge my mind works differently and need to be open to how others’ minds work as part of the experience.

The disconnect comes from fear – fear of being rejected and not belonging. Being alone is done with ease – not easily. Experiences repeated as I get excited and share something I am exuberant about – people respond alright – they become quiet, start up side conversations, at times laugh, but further conversation is limited. And yes I do become highly excitable like a child. I want to jump and run and shout. Okay that might scare some people. So instead I am quiet, withdrawn, and carefully join in the chit chat. Or I fear monopolizing the conversation and others time. Yes, at times they are willing to listen and then I become self-conscious and I am out of line being the center of attention and not including others or responding to their needs.

Even with disconnect I can share personal feelings and experiences. I can do this with feeling but without the invested connection. Thus I can participate in the connection of relationships with a safety disconnect in place. Investing further in a connection with out the safety mechanism leaves me more vulnerable. I do feel. I have strong feelings and to maintain on a day in and day out basis they need to be kept safely put away. I recognize my highs and lows. I recognize my attraction to friends. I do not want to interfere with their other connections. The withholding creates a dam and thus I am careful when I do begin to share with a listening audience, because it can become a flood.

Being a lone is not a problem. I have lots of ideas, projects, activities to do, explore, connect with. I like doing a variety of things. I like to do new things. If I have done it once I am ready to move onto something else. This also is a part of the disconnect – not wanting to do the same thing repeatedly creates a difficulty in connecting with others. I enjoy being productive (my perspective), accomplishing things (even little ones – keeping my hands busy), yet I enjoy doing things at my own pace and leaving something and coming back to it. Yes my home is my castle in the sense of a safe place and comfort.

I acknowledge my connections. I support my connections. I do such with safety for myself and in ways as not to interfere with others and their connections. Then comes the question of inputting the necessary energy to develop and maintain relationships – especially new ones. Value on return comes into question and the fear again of rejection or no return. Thus, the ease and comfort of being alone.

Question then arises – what do I want relative to connections? As with anything, what am I willing to invest for a return? What am I willing to risk for a return? What am I willing to change? What action am I willing to take? What effort am I willing to put forth? The result – connection, another experience of the joys of life (and the frustrations) are part of the discovery – of life’s journey and me. So the questions and the wide eyed experiences continue!

Strut Your Stuff!!!

Strut Your Stuff.
You're a GENIUS and don't know it!

You have heard the saying more than once -- you are a unique individual. "oh, yeah, no doubt about it. I am different." We spend lots of time and effort to blend in or at least not stand out. We may or may not know what makes us different. Being unique and different is genius - genuine.

That difference has many facets. Yes like the cliche goes - a diamond in the rough or is it a lump of coal? (PS Both are of great value, millions) Knowing which the diamond or the coal, let's us know how to strut our stuff!

So how do you figure out the difference? Beyond just being weird or sticking out, how do you identify your genius and its utility? How do you let yourself and everyone else know your value in millions?

You can start with digging. After all, we are looking for diamonds and/or coal. Yes, you might get a little dirty (you will not like or be able to use everything you dig up). You are goint to have to work at it. It is not on the surface. You may find other treasures (useful items) while you are digging.

Shall we ------ To dig, it will work better, be more fun, if we use some tools (a shovel, a backhoe, a pick, a bulldozer, etc. ). Try these tools on for size.

1. Write as many of the funniest things you have done, experienced, saw. Those things that you laughed and laughed about; those that were so funnily embarrassing; those things that were so much fun. Now you need to write down 3 to 99. Only take about 7 1/2 minutes. You can add to the list at any time, later.

2. Take a piece of paper, draw a big circle that fills the piece of paper. Now be quiet for a moment - that means the mind too, cut the chatter. Ask the question, What is my genius? Now without any thinking begin drawing within the circle - lines, circles, designs, pictures, what ever you see while the mind is quiet. Then color it - lots of color.

3. Now for the next 2 minutes write as many words that describes you - you have thought/said about yourself; others have said, shouted, whispered about you; that you would like to describe you. Write fast now, no screening in or out, write, write, write.

So did you dig deep enough to find any coal or diamonds? Probably not. Maybe we just removed a couple of shovels of dirt. However, did you uncover something you can use? Did you find a rock or a stick you can use as a brace to be able to dig deeper? Did you find something that sparkles, that gives you idea what you might find if you dig deeper? What kind of pattern began to appear? What does the pattern tell you on how to proceed? The digging has just begun. We are going to need some additional tools to be safe and to push on with the discovery of our millions.